I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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