xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
