The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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