Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize