Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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