I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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