We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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