He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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