im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
