So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
