Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I puked a lego.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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