You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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