she woke up with a sticky ear
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
