doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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