i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
