I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Randomize
