I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
