he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
