one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
