Joe is yelling at the trees again.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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