so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
