break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
