This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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