it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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