i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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