She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
