dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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