the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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