Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
