is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize