We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
