My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
