i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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