D3 body, D1 cock
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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