Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
