HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
