is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
