She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
