i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
COCAINE IS GR8
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
