You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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