cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
