I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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