google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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