I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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