The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
