which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
