even my farts smell like vagina
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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