I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
