when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
MIDGETS
????
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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