Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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