So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
