their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
