It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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