i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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