Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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