my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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