she looked like the bat from fern gully.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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