You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
