You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
A+ Viking dick
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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