Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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