Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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