His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
