thus making me awesome and them whores
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
