Please, let me fuck your mom
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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