I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
