Cold hands, warm shart.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
